the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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