Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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