Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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