I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
