What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
