i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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