Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
