remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
