eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
