Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
