Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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