youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
