she was so not down for the gang bang
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My vagina just clenched in fear
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
