feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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