well I can't set my house on fire every night
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
