Can i not drive my cunt home
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Do vagina's smell?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
