I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
