I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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