my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
