he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i believe in u and ur pee
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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