Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
