i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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