you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
