I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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