apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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