Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
