the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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