Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
