He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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