I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
