So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
