K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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