I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
