Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
