Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
