You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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