he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
