I hate all girls vehemently.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
