My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
