Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
