Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
