Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
