Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
