If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
