I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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