Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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