You're my little dorito
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
