batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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