After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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