his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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